Holidays can be stressful time for some . It can be a time of sadness, isolation and depression; however with some helpful tips holidays can be manageable and stress free. 

 Tips will include but not limited too 

1. Reach out to a supportive friend
2. Seek a professional help (therapist, counselor, support group)
3. Plan ahead
4. Do physical activity
5. Say NO ( set boundaries) 
6. Get enough sleep
7. Follow your daily routine
8. Set a budget
9. Volunteer
10. Accept your feelings
11. Be aware of your triggers
12. Make a new tradition
13. Expect little
14. Reach out
15. Bake or cook
16. Do some self care 

 
 

If you’re reading this article, the chances are you have been in a relationship with someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Below are some of the criteria listed for Narcissistic Personality Disorder but not limited:  
 

• They put others down
• They lack empathy toward others including their own children/partners/ parents/co-workers
• All about “me” attitude
• Love to be the center of attention
• They have insecurities about themselves ( low self-esteem)
• They have history of depression/ anxiety/ trauma
• They have grandiose thinking
• They tell others what to think and how to feel
• They feel empathy inside (nothing makes them happy)
• They hate doing chores (cleaning, grocery shopping, cooking)
• They are critical toward others (negative thinking)
• They are manipulative toward situations yet  charming and friendly
• They have resentment toward their own child for being successful and for being independent (they feel rejected for not being needed)
• They like to impress others ( gaining others approval)
• They have children so their children will love them
• They can be abusive (emotionally, verbally, and physically) toward others

 
 
How to Deal with someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder:
 
1. Seek a professional help: find a therapist to process your own feelings of anger, frustration, silence, anxiety, withdrawn, depression, and other related feelings. A therapist can help you to process how to manage your feelings, how to survive being in a relationship with a narcissist or when to walk away. 

2. Find coping skills to deal with every day challenges:  join a support groups ( NAMI) , attend individual therapy, listen to music, journal 2-3x per  week, paint ( art work), spend time with supportive friends, do physical activity and so on. Do something that you enjoy every day. 
 
3. Accept them as who they are:  We all have the need to be in control or the need to change others to fit our own needs. Accepting NPD as who they are only means you have made the decisions to set boundaries for yourself. By accepting NPD as who they are it does not mean you agree with their perspectives, opinions, and lifestyle. It only means you are now aware of your own emotional triggers and ready to make your own path and journey, differently. It means you are letting go of the judgments of yourself and others and ready to move forward. It means you are ready to focus on the present moment and forgive the past.   

4. Listen to their stories:  Most individuals with narcissistic symptoms have a history of abuse, trauma, depression, anxiety or grew up in a family of alcoholic parents. Some have witnessed scary events (war, accident, death) which has impacted their relationship with their partner or with their children. 

5. Be open /flexible:  NPD are everywhere. You can meet them in a work place, in a bar, he/she can be your next door neighbor, family members (cousin, aunt, mother, uncle, grandparents) and so on. It’s crucial to learn how to set boundaries for yourself and to say NO when necessary. When talking about sensitive and important topics be assertive and use your “I” statements (I feel, I think, I need..) statements. 

6. Communication: it would be helpful to provide choices and options when speaking with NPS. It gives them a sense of control and it validates their feelings which decreases a chance of an arguments and fights. 

7.Don’t take it personally: It is not about you. People with NPD makes rude, offensive, and unnecessary comments to avoid feelings. They escape from making the essential changes in their life. Change is hard for them. They surround themselves with an emotional walls. They walk around in this world by wearing an emotional mask. Their mask protects them from getting hurt in the world by others. Their mask helps them to hide their emotions and from being vulnerable. We all wear a mask however we take it off when we feel safe with our loved one and when we make connection. People with NPD don’t take the mask off, it’s on all the time!    

8. Expect little  

9.  Be Honest
 

 
 
So, you're a Persian woman.
 
Your life has been planned for you since you were born. Your parents have been planning your wedding for the longest time. While you were playing with your friends in the street, your parents were searching for your husband. As a young adult, you were taught how to act, dress, and look in front of your potential “khastegar”.
 
You get married at a young age to someone who you think you love. You get married to someone who is older than you are, who has a different perspective, attitude and opinion from you. Your wedding will become an occasion of joy, laughter, and love filled with friends and family, and of course it will be massive and glamorous. After you wedding, you will join your husband in his expensive house where both your mother and his have done all of the house decor for you. Again, you will find yourself lost and confused.
 
Soon after, the daily phone call arrives. The calls usually comes from your mother in law checking  up on your job duties such as cleaning, cooking, laundry, grocery shopping, and of course, keeping his son sexually satisfied. At this time you have stopped working in your career per your husband's request. You spend most of your days with friends, shopping or making necessary arrangements for the house. Shortly after you are raising your children with your husband and, yet again, your parents and his family have involved themselves with their expert opinions.
 
As your child starts to grow, you start feeling overwhelmed. The feeling grows bigger and bigger as you feel lonely in your marriage. You soon will realize that you have no emotional connection or communication with your husband. The person that you have spent years with is not the person that you hoped for. Now you are feeling sad, unhappy, and angry. You wake up every day feeling unsatisfied in the relationship where you once felt happy.
 
Now years have passed by and money is no longer enough to keep you connected with your husband. You lay down every night next to a stranger feeling worry about your future. A stranger with whom you have no connection, or understanding. You have become two strangers living in the same house raising children together. Now what? Do you stay in the marriage and be unhappy or seek help and try to find solutions?
 
In my personal therapy with the Iranian community, I will help you to challenge your family's cultural expectations and values while managing your depression and anxiety symptoms. Therapy will become a safe place where together we will examine your past to find a better future. In individual therapy we will work together to face your fears that have stopped you from moving forward in your relationship.