Holidays can be stressful time for some . It can be a time of sadness, isolation and depression; however with some helpful tips holidays can be manageable and stress free.
Tips will include but not limited too
If you’re reading this article, the chances are you have been in a relationship with someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Below are some of the criteria listed for Narcissistic Personality Disorder but not limited:
How to Deal with someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder:
1. Seek a professional help: find a therapist to process your own feelings of anger, frustration, silence, anxiety, withdrawn, depression, and other related feelings. A therapist can help you to process how to manage your feelings, how to survive being in a relationship with a narcissist or when to walk away.
2. Find coping skills to deal with every day challenges: join a support groups ( NAMI) , attend individual therapy, listen to music, journal 2-3x per week, paint ( art work), spend time with supportive friends, do physical activity and so on. Do something that you enjoy every day.
3. Accept them as who they are: We all have the need to be in control or the need to change others to fit our own needs. Accepting NPD as who they are only means you have made the decisions to set boundaries for yourself. By accepting NPD as who they are it does not mean you agree with their perspectives, opinions, and lifestyle. It only means you are now aware of your own emotional triggers and ready to make your own path and journey, differently. It means you are letting go of the judgments of yourself and others and ready to move forward. It means you are ready to focus on the present moment and forgive the past.
4. Listen to their stories: Most individuals with narcissistic symptoms have a history of abuse, trauma, depression, anxiety or grew up in a family of alcoholic parents. Some have witnessed scary events (war, accident, death) which has impacted their relationship with their partner or with their children.
5. Be open /flexible: NPD are everywhere. You can meet them in a work place, in a bar, he/she can be your next door neighbor, family members (cousin, aunt, mother, uncle, grandparents) and so on. It’s crucial to learn how to set boundaries for yourself and to say NO when necessary. When talking about sensitive and important topics be assertive and use your “I” statements (I feel, I think, I need..) statements.
6. Communication: it would be helpful to provide choices and options when speaking with NPS. It gives them a sense of control and it validates their feelings which decreases a chance of an arguments and fights.
7.Don’t take it personally: It is not about you. People with NPD makes rude, offensive, and unnecessary comments to avoid feelings. They escape from making the essential changes in their life. Change is hard for them. They surround themselves with an emotional walls. They walk around in this world by wearing an emotional mask. Their mask protects them from getting hurt in the world by others. Their mask helps them to hide their emotions and from being vulnerable. We all wear a mask however we take it off when we feel safe with our loved one and when we make connection. People with NPD don’t take the mask off, it’s on all the time!
8. Expect little
9. Be Honest
How much time do you spend on your emotional, physical, and spiritual needs? How did you learn to take care of your needs? Was it through watching your parents and peers? Or was it through experiencing years of emotional pain (depression, sadness, anxiety) that impacted your relationships with partners, children, or significant others?
Self care is not a selfish act. Self care is acts of kindness toward yourself. Once you take care of your mind and our soul, then you can take care of your daily schedule, your relationships, and your loved ones. Self care comes with practice and with patience. Every culture and religion practices self care differently and in some cultures it is never practiced. Even though self care can be a touchy topic in today's world, we all need to do things to take care of our minds and our bodies so we can keep moving forward everyday.
Ideas for Self Care:
Listen to music
Learn a new skill
Play a video game
Do a puzzle
Go to a concert
Take a walk
Go to the gym
Start individual therapy
Talk to a friend
Get a manicure or pedicure
Spend time with friends and family
Watch your favorite TV show
Read a book
Go to a movie
Get a massage
Get a spa treatment
Learn a new language
Participate in church/temple
Burn a candle
Ride a bike
Cook or bake something
Take a nap
Buy yourself a flower
Say no to requests you don't want to do
Cuddle with a pet
Go on a date
Turn off all electronics
Read a funny book
See a therapist
Make a medical appointment, if necessary
Take a vacation
Go to nature
So, you're a Persian woman.
Your life has been planned for you since you were born. Your parents have been planning your wedding for the longest time. While you were playing with your friends in the street, your parents were searching for your husband. As a young adult, you were taught how to act, dress, and look in front of your potential “khastegar”.
You get married at a young age to someone who you think you love. You get married to someone who is older than you are, who has a different perspective, attitude and opinion from you. Your wedding will become an occasion of joy, laughter, and love filled with friends and family, and of course it will be massive and glamorous. After you wedding, you will join your husband in his expensive house where both your mother and his have done all of the house decor for you. Again, you will find yourself lost and confused.
Soon after, the daily phone call arrives. The calls usually comes from your mother in law checking up on your job duties such as cleaning, cooking, laundry, grocery shopping, and of course, keeping his son sexually satisfied. At this time you have stopped working in your career per your husband's request. You spend most of your days with friends, shopping or making necessary arrangements for the house. Shortly after you are raising your children with your husband and, yet again, your parents and his family have involved themselves with their expert opinions.
As your child starts to grow, you start feeling overwhelmed. The feeling grows bigger and bigger as you feel lonely in your marriage. You soon will realize that you have no emotional connection or communication with your husband. The person that you have spent years with is not the person that you hoped for. Now you are feeling sad, unhappy, and angry. You wake up every day feeling unsatisfied in the relationship where you once felt happy.
Now years have passed by and money is no longer enough to keep you connected with your husband. You lay down every night next to a stranger feeling worry about your future. A stranger with whom you have no connection, or understanding. You have become two strangers living in the same house raising children together. Now what? Do you stay in the marriage and be unhappy or seek help and try to find solutions?
In my personal therapy with the Iranian community, I will help you to challenge your family's cultural expectations and values while managing your depression and anxiety symptoms. Therapy will become a safe place where together we will examine your past to find a better future. In individual therapy we will work together to face your fears that have stopped you from moving forward in your relationship.